Are We or Aren't We??

Now, I know that we've ALL been there ... we've ALL been in at least one relationship in our lives where we went back at least once, if not a million times,
even though it probably wasn't the healthiest thing for us to do.  I know that, you know that, we all know that.  We all have to go through the crappy relationships so we can truly appreciate the good ones when they come along later, but knowing this doesn't necessarily make it any easier to watch loved ones go through the crap, does it?

So for what it's worth, here are a few tidbits that have been floating around in my head ...

-- When someone tells you who you can & can't be friends with, that's a little bit of a red flag.  Every healthy relationship will ultimately end up with some compromise & give & take so there may be times when cutting ties with past friends may be appropriate (i.e., the friend is a drug user & your new beau is trying to help you get clean; you cheated on your girlfriend & are now going to stop being friends with the person you cheated with for the sake of the relationship).  The reasons behind why you're being asked to not be friends with certain people definitely need to be looked at because it could say a lot.  If the reasoning behind the request seems to be out of anger, jealousy, insecurity due to their own past relationships, etc., the person making the request should address their own issues before placing such a demand on you.  & if you accept such a request to be in the relationship, you need to be aware that it's always possible that it could lead to other more demanding requests ... being home at certain times, calling at certain times, doing sexual things possibly before you're ready, not hanging out with current friends anymore ... it's possible that a can of worms may open.

-- When someone's calling you a liar for no reason & then it turns out that they're the one who's actually been lying, no matter how small the lie, another red flag.  Again, this is something that the person needs to work out for themselves because a lot of time it's their own insecurities that are causing them to project their actions on to you, but if you decide to stay with them, be prepared for the possibility of a lot of guilty feelings (even though you know you didn't actually do anything wrong) followed by a lot of apologies for upsetting the other person (even though again, you did nothing that needed an apology) & then the other person will apologize to you for "getting so upset" & you'll probably feel like everything's OK again.  But try to remember the pattern ... you most likely didn't do anything wrong & yet you felt guilty & apologized first.

-- When someone you're dating doesn't want to come over to your parent's house because he/she thinks your parents don't like them, ehhh this could go either way.  Maybe your parents really don't like them & their feelings are legitimate.  However, if your new guy/girl hasn't really spent any time at your house to get to know your parents, & more importantly, to let your parents get to know him/her, then most likely they're just using the "your parents don't like me" as an excuse.  Do your parents ask more questions than your guy/girl likes about what you guys are going to be doing when you go out or whatever? Are you not allowed to be alone in your room at your house but you can be at other houses when you guys are together? Are your parents more aware of what your guy/girl may really be up to & that makes him/her uncomfortable? Whatever the reason, without your significant other making the effort for your parents to get to know him/her, your parents aren't going to be able to form an opinion beyond what they know of the person from what you tell them (the good and the bad ... remember all the stuff you told them from when you guys were "off"? Yeah well, they remember everything you told them).

Sorry if any of this was ranting or repetitive.  I'm sure there will be more stuff I'll think of at a later date but for tonight, I just had to get these thoughts out of my head.  Hopefully it still made sense though & someone might be able to take something helpful away from it.

Goodnight!